


The Final

by SniperMoran



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Depressing feelings made me do it, Post-losing his arm Erwin, Suicidal Erwin, depressing music may also be to blame, hints of Erwin/Levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 09:43:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2146050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SniperMoran/pseuds/SniperMoran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin lost his arm in an attack by a titan. He hasn't been the same since that day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Final

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, I don't own the characters or anything  
> So I was in a bought of depression myself and sad music and pictures and all that didn't exactly help my mood, but writing this certainly made me feel a bit better.  
> Hope you enjoy.

Waking up from another nightmare, the Commander sat up quickly and lost his balance, falling to the right side and nearly tumbling out of bed before realizing to grab onto the left side of the bed. Righting himself, the man pulled himself into a sitting position, rubbing at his face with his left hand and glanced at the bandaging on the stump on his right side. "Damn arm..." he grumbled bitterly, leaning his head back against the headboard. He glanced to the bedside table and sighed, seeing the food he hadn't eaten from earlier. Corporal Levi would be upset seeing it still sitting there, but the Commander couldn't find it in himself to give a damn enough to move and eat. That food could go to some soldier that was useful. That could still do something. But instead, that soldier had to have less food in his or her belly because Levi was stubborn about keeping the broken down leader in good health.  
He couldn't help but scoff at the thought. 'Good health? I'm missing an arm. How good of health can I be in?' He thought, equally as bitterly as he had sounded aloud, if not even more so.  
He had been stuck in bed since the titan had taken his arm. Since he had become useless. He hadn't left the bed except for the occasional need to use the bathroom. And even then, he waited until the last possible moment. He felt useless. Broken. And there was nothing that could be done to fix him.  
He always knew that he could lose anything going out there and facing the titans. Part of him had always hoped, though, that if he were to go out there and get attacked, he wouldn't be left so...helpless. Useless. He would rather be dead than live the way he was. Levi taking care of him, needing to be babied like this. Treated like he was okay when he wasn't. The other members of his team, the ones that survived, they stopped by only every so often, always having that disgusting look of pity in their eyes.  
They pitied him. And if he was honest with himself, he probably had pity for himself as well. He should have died. Dying would have been easier than this. Dying would have been better. But here he was, alive and wasting precious resources that should be going to the healthy, lively soldiers. Everyone was wasting their efforts and time on him, telling him that he would be okay again, that things would get better.  
He had had nightmares since the attack. Recollecting all of the deaths he had witnessed, the feeling of dread that had washed over him when the titan caught his arm in its mouth. The feeling of 'This is how it ends...' and then the realization that it hadn't been the end. The wish, now, that it had been the end then.  
He couldn't fight like this. Could use the 3dmg maneuver gear. He couldn't write legible reports, couldn't legibly fill out paperwork. He was a waste. He might as well have been a rotting piece of meat.  
Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, collecting his thoughts, the Commander came to a world shattering conclusion. If he wanted to stop feeling so guilty, so useless, such a waste... He'd have to do it himself. His eyes shot open and he quickly sat up, pushing himself to the edge of his bed and standing up, the cold floor beneath his bare feet, the cool air blanketing his exposed flesh. He was wearing only his boxers. The only other covering he had were bandages scattered across his body.  
Taking another deep breath, he started his search. It had to be here somewhere, he always kept it hidden. It was his last ditch effort. ...It had always been an emergency use only item, but...this could be classified an emergency somewhere in his brain.  
Opening a drawer and finding the item he had been looking for, he quickly took it in hand, the heavy object somehow bringing a wave of peace over the blonde man's broken body.  
"I always knew how it would end...That I'd be alone." he whispered, staring at the gun in his hand. "I wish I could say goodbye, and tell you why I did this, why I...decided this...But somehow I think you know me, and know that I can't live like this." he added, his words meant for the Corporal who was not here to hear them. "I have loved you, but I could never let myself tell you, because if I told you, it would have made it all the more real, and those sorts of sentiment are dangerous in our line of work. Anything could happen at any time and I....it's easier to be alone. It's easier to be alone at the end of all of this." he murmured, closing his eyes and picturing the short young man in his mind. "Levi..." he breathed, shakily cocking the gun.  
"Hanji will be a great 14th Commander. She has an intelligence and a fire that is needed for such a job. She has that eccentric curiosity that will lead humanity to the finish line in victory. She will be what steers us to our survival. Her interest in those...giants." he murmured.  
No one was there to hear it, but he still felt it necessary for his end that he speak his mind, speak what needed to be said. It couldn't be written down in any legible form, so speaking it was his only option.  
"...this team has grown so much in this...this short time we've all been together. And we've learned so much about what we are fighting... We're on the right track, finally. And I'm only glad I could be here this long to know that I have nothing to worry about. Our future is in great hands." tears slipped from beneath his closed eyelids, trailing down his cheeks and to his chin, dripping to the floor beneath his feet.  
"...Please forgive me....Levi..."  
The doorknob jiggled in the background and Erwin furrowed his brow, something else slipping from his lips, one last breath and just as the door was kicked open, the loud bang rang throughout the compound.  
The blonde man stood there for a moment, the gun dropped from his hand before his body fell, crashing to the ground, the blood pooling around his head, a small smile on his lips, tears staining his pale cheeks.  
  
The man at the door froze, eyes wide, breath caught in his throat. "...n-no..." he breathed, regaining control of his body. Quickly, he rushed to the fallen Commander's side, for once not caring about the stains that would be on his pants and clothes as he knelt beside the blonde man, in his blood. He took his hand in his own, tears welling in his eyes. "Commander!" he called desperately. Never had he felt such a...a sharp pain in his chest at a loss. He had become numb to them, because he refused to get closer than he needed to.  
"Erwin...." he whimpered, resting his head on the man's still chest, dark hair falling in curtains around his face as he shoulders shook.


End file.
